Welcome to Badcast! A new way for you to kill time at work or something to read while ignoring your responsibilities! Here we will take a look at past films and reimagine them with a much different cast. This isn’t a reflection on the quality of the film or the talents of specific actors or actresses but instead looking at what could have been.
This week’s film: Toy Story.
There WILL be spoilers for this 1995 animated film.
Woody – Clint Eastwood
Starting off with our protagonist of the film, a simple toy-cowboy living his best toy-life in this crazy toy-world. This cowboy suddenly has his entire world flipped upside down when a mysterious stranger enters his neck of the toy chest and wreaks havoc.
Woody is the ‘Sheriff’ of Andy’s bedroom and for a ‘Sheriff’, he’s a bit of a coward. He tiptoes around the problem of having this intruder disrupt everything before committing an attempted toy-murder. Tom Hanks did a respectable job of playing Woody but I think an actor with an inherently tough persona is needed to take charge of the situation and knows how to command a (bed)room. And who better than the director of Jersey Boys!
Sigourney Weaver – Buzz Lightyear
“To Infinity and Beyond!”
This phrase has become apart of the cultural lexicon. And deservedly so. It’s catchy, inspiring, and confuses the hell out of anyone with a general understanding of math.
Imagine the strong and powerful Ripley delivering that now infamous line. Weaver could easily show a gruffer side to the neon space ranger that would mesh with Eastwood’s equally gruff persona.
She also needs a fun, everlasting catchphrase since “Get away from her you b***h!” never caught on. It’s only fair since Tim Allen already has *Home Improvement noise* as his catchphrase.
Danny DeVito – Hamm
Just look at that smolder.
Did you look at DeVito or Hamm? Doesn’t matter, this was the role he was made for.
Indominus Rex – Rex
The whole “I’m a dinosaur but I’m also a coward” shtick felt really drawn out for 90 minutes. Do you know what isn’t drawn out? A big-ass dinosaur running amok on a small island.
The Indominus Rex was the central character in Jurassic World and got completely passed over for Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom. I, for one, think that’s unfair and want her to continue to have a career in Hollywood.
Granted, there probably isn’t much longevity for a movie starring toys. 2-3 movies max. Anything more would be overkill.
Vin Diesel – Sid
In the Fast and Furious franchise, Vin Diesel has a clause in his contract that says he cannot lose a fight and for that example of ridiculously threatened manhood alone, I want him to lose to a bunch of toys.
They’re both bald(ing), have a terrible understanding of basic physics and “Sid Diesel” makes me laugh uncontrollably.
Anyone In This Fish Mask I Found – Andy
It’s a miracle a generation of children weren’t traumatized by this kid. He had the soulless stare of every fish I’ve ever seen but walked like a person.
There you have it! A bunch of Grade-A casting choices that flew by the wayside. I hope you enjoyed reading this! Let us know what your thoughts @superbromovies on Twitter and tweet us any bad casting choices you think should’ve happened! And be sure to check out last week’s Badcast right here.
Toy Story is on VHS now!