Welcome to Badcast! A new way for you to kill time at work or something to read while ignoring your responsibilities! Here we will take a look at past films and reimagine them with a much different cast. This isn’t a reflection on the quality of the film or the talents of specific actors or actresses but instead looking at what could have been.

This week’s film: Grown Ups.

The plot of Grown Ups is a simple one; five friends reunite after years apart and pickup where they left off when they were teenagers but get this, now they’re older. I just saved you $0.99 and 102 minutes of your life. This film focuses on a group of man-babies making the same jokes they made when they were in high school. You’re telling me there was absolutely no growth or maturing between then and now? I’m not having that. I’d rather see the people you actually have to deal with while growing up.

Adam Sandler – Your Dad 

This first casting decision was easy. Who has been a staple in your life from the very beginning? Who do you have the fondest of memories of? Who makes you uncomfortable when he uses a weird, high-pitched voice in his older age? Your dad’s been saying for years how he should be a comedian whenever he says his cheese is “Nacho Cheese.” Now’s his chance.

Much like Adam Sandler, your dad’s sense of humor has only gotten better with age. When you were younger, you used to get a kick out of your dad pretending he was an alligator who would eat your hand. Now, he laughs at a donkey projectile pooping on the side of a barn. This type of comedic maturity only comes with years of figuring out what is genuinely “funny.”

Kevin James – The Guy Who Tells A Loud Joke In Line

Kevin James’ brand of comedy is loud and obnoxious. He’s the type of guy who would say whatever “funny” thing that popped in his head. Did you know he came up with the name “Paul Blart” while farting in a mall? I literally made that up but also, it’s probably true.

The only thing worse is when you have no escape. The whole world is one long line and the last thing you want is for the guy near to say “I wonder what the guy in the front is ordering! A SLOW-ccuino?!” or “I hope my wife isn’t expecting me for another month or so!”

If that’s the kind of nonsense your wife has to put up with then I’m going to start a charity for her because she is literally the bravest person I know.

Chris Rock – The Guy Who Laughs At Those Loud Jokes

“Hahahaha Slow-ccucino?? Good one!”

Don’t be that guy. Don’t be the guy who encourages that bulls#!t.

David Spade – The Guy Who’s NEVER Left A Party Early

To me, David Spade just screams “Party Animal.” Literally, I picture the man screaming the words “Party Animal.” I respect him for that but at the same time you’re thinking “C’mon guy. Let’s slow it down.”

We all know that guy who loves to have a good time. He could have a huge paper due tomorrow or have to drive to the airport in the morning but WHO CARES! SHOTS! He’s the guy you see as soon as you walk in the door and he’s still there dancing and singing along to the “Macarena” three hours later.

This isn’t necessarily a bad thing. When you want a party to stay lively he’s obviously the guy to call. But when the hosts are starting to clean, there are two people passed out on the same couch, you 100% smell vomit but don’t see it and you forgot to take your heart medication, it’s probably time to go.

Rob Schneider – The Guy Who “Changes With You” In The Locker Room

You don’t know this guy. You’ve never even seen him before but he decided to sit 3 feet away from you as you changed. You look around and see so many vacant benches.

Dude, why?

He doesn’t seem to be attracted to you. He’s not staring directly at you or giving you any noticeable side-glances but he is absolutely changing at the same speed you are. You decide to take a shower, give him time to finish and get out of there. You come back and hE’S ON HIS PHONE? HE HASN’T FINISHED CHANGING??

Not today, Dahmer. I’m going home.

 

There you have it! A bunch of Grade-A casting choices that flew by the wayside. I hope you enjoyed reading this! Let us know what your thoughts @superbromovies on Twitter and tweet us any bad casting choices you think should’ve happened! And be sure to check out last week’s Badcast right here.

-Kellen Murack

Grown Ups is now available in the Wal-Mart discount bin.