Welcome to Badcast! A new way for you to kill time at work or something to read while ignoring your responsibilities! Here we will take a look at past films and reimagine them with a much different cast. This isn’t a reflection on the quality of the film or the talents of specific actors or actresses but instead looking at what could have been.
This week’s film: Venom.
This week’s film WILL contain spoilers in the spoiler section.
Eddie Brock/Venom – Mr. Rogers
Knock, knock. Let your neighbor in.
We live in a day and age where every superhero property is being scooped up and turned into a down-to-earth, gritty and realistic film or television show and I’m sick of it. Not the superhero films, not even close, but making it gritty and realistic when this world needs wholesomeness and generosity more than anything. And I can’t think of a better movie to start that trend than the most edgy, hardcore comic character to ever exist. The new actor would need to convey an “awe-shucks” attitude as Eddie while also providing the voice of the head-eating symbiote Venom. It’s a very fine line to walk.
Fred McFeely Rogers, “Mr.” for short, was giving the children of the nation a kind-hearted hero nearly every week on his television program for nearly 40 years. Along with being the face of the program, he provided the voices for the puppet characters. This is a man we need running around eating villain’s heads and talking about “wind-turds.” Not only that, he would follow up the head-munching with an eloquent life-lesson about sharing. You can’t have PG-13 gore without an appropriate message! There are children watching this movie!
Note: Go and watch Won’t You Be My Neighbor? It is a fantastic documentary about one of the most genuine men to ever walk the Earth.
Anne Weying – Julie Andrews
To go along with the new clean-cut “Venom,” we need a “She-Venom” to match. And, much like the laziness of that name, I got lazy and chose the most authentic actress I could think of, Mary f$#ing Poppins.
Some background on the character of Anne Weying; she is a lawyer and she is a female and that’s it. I can’t say for certain if Julie Andrews has passed The Bar exam but she is a female and, much like this movie’s justification for their Rotten Tomatoes score, 50% ain’t bad. (This movie is currently sitting at a 30% on Rotten Tomatoes but there weren’t enough character traits for me to get that percentage.)
Julie Andrews oozes charisma and has a melodic voice. Try picturing her saying some of Anne’s most memorable lines like “You’re not so bad yourself, Champ.” or “Hi, Eddie.”
Carlton Drake – Danny Pudi
Riz Ahmed portrayed the evil industrialist with a God complex, Carlton Drake. This is a man whose plan was to save the human race by killing us all with aliens…or colonizing the alien’s planet….or save himself by leaving the planet. I honestly can’t remember what exactly his goal was but one thing I do remember is the man was allergic to smiling. For a guy being close to achieving a biological breakthrough, he was never all that excited. Maybe it’s because he was always dressed for a funeral.
Enter: Danny Pudi, the lovable goofball from the cult show Community. Not only does he have an infectious demeanor that would uniquely juxtapose the dark, personal dilemma of trying to save the human race in such a despicable way but he’s also in need of work. If that doesn’t make for a good movie than I don’t know what does!
Dr. Dora Skirth – Anyone Who Can Pronounce Symbiote
I honestly couldn’t remember this character’s name but I do remember how she couldn’t say “Sym-bē-ōt.” Let’s just throw anyone in there who can pronounce it correctly.
Dr. Dora was not an Explora but a scientist, who was female AND she had a family. She had more going for her than Anne.
Cletus Kasady – Kyle Broflovski
Honestly, did no one at any point go “Why would this wig be a good idea?”
I apologize for the poor quality, Sony was smart to not officially release this image. Bless those psychos who think taking a picture of a dark movie theater screen is worth it.
There you have it! A bunch of Grade-A casting choices that flew by the wayside. I hope you enjoyed reading this! Let us know what your thoughts @superbromovies on Twitter and tweet us any bad casting choices you think should’ve happened! And be sure to check out the previous Badcast right here.
Venom is in theaters now but go rent Won’t You Be My Neighbor? instead.