Welcome to Badcast! A new way for you to kill time at work or something to read while ignoring your responsibilities! Here we will take a look at past films and reimagine them with a much different cast. This isn’t a reflection on the quality of the film or the talents of specific actors or actresses but instead looking at what could have been.
This week’s film: Spider-Man: Into The Spider-VerseThis article will be SPOILER FREE so read away!
Miles Morales – Chris Tucker
Starting with the film’s protagonist, the young and unprepared Miles Morales. Our charismatic hero begins his story as a regular high schooler who gets bit by a radioactive spider and gains incredible abilities. One of his defining traits is his love of modern music. You know who also loves music? Everyone but I can’t cast “everyone” so I chose Chris Tucker.
Chris Tucker hasn’t been very prominent in Hollywood over the last decade and is raring for a comeback. From the late 90’s to mid-00’s, his voice was the most recognizable in the business. Why not give him a role where the only thing he has to do is use his shrill yell. Miles spends a good portion of the movie yelling and reacting to the insane universe, or “Spider-verse,” he’s now apart of.
And there’s a chance he’d say “Do you see the webs comin’ outta my WRIIISTS?!”
That was forced but I’m glad I said it.
Peter B. Parker – Danny DeVito
From the minute we learned that Peter Parker would be in this film, we knew it wouldn’t be the one we grew up with reading in comics and watching swing around in film. Jake Johnson did a great job giving us the “schlubby” and older Parker but I believe they should’ve gone further with it. Give us a Peter in his 70s who’s even more sick of his “great responsibility.”
Make Peter go full “DeVito.” Give him a sailor’s mouth, give him a drinking problem, animate him to reflect the God-like physique of DeVito. Jake Johnson showed us we’re willing to accept a Peter who has all-but given up on superheroing, let’s see a Peter who is two shots of Gin away from drunk-dialing a pizzeria thinking it’s Mary-Jane.
Gwen Stacy – Daisy Ridley
At the time of writing, we’ve had 3 different interpretations of Gwen Stacy, each with their pros and cons. But this animated Gwen (also known as Spider-Woman) is by-far the most powerful and badass. She has the same abilities as Peter Parker and occasionally shows more aptitude than Peter himself. Hailee Steinfeld is already in one Christmas movie this year (Bumblebee) she needs to take a timeout.
Daisy Ridley is apart of the largest franchises in history and needs to diversify her background. Ridley could easily lend her voice to this extremely powerful heroine who fights alongside an aged and disillusioned hero from our childhoods who rediscovers the meaning of heroism and grows again in the process.
Brand new territory for her.
Spider-Man Noir – Re-Animated Corpse of Humphrey Bogart
Nicholas Cage has stated the Humphrey Bogart was a huge influence on his Spider-Man Noir character. Bogart was one of the greatest actors to ever grace the screen but unfortunately passed away in 1957. Cage did his best to exemplify Bogart’s mannerisms but he was lacking a certain authenticity. It would’ve felt much more realistic if they just brought Bogart back to life and have him play the character.
The producers did their best to tiptoe around this much simpler answer. They just need to find the wizard who’s been keeping Tom Cruise and Keanu Reeves young all these years and have them bring back good ole Humphrey. He only needs to be alive for a day or two to record his lines and then he can go back to his grave (at least until the sequel).
Peni Parker – Awkwafina
Out of each Spider-person in this film, Peni Parker is the least known. Her power-set is quite confusing as well. The spider that bit her also has a psychic connection to her and lives within a robot her father built when he was still alive. Peni is definitely an interesting character and should be played by an interesting actress.
Awkwafina had a breakout year in film with roles in both Ocean’s 8 and Crazy Rich Asians. I’ve seen both of those films and I cannot tell if she is legitimately funny or just loud and my tiny brain finds that amusing. By putting her in an environment where she has to read off a script and talk will help me decide whether I like her comedic prowess or her loud, raspy voice.
Spider-Ham – Wilbur
A talking pig whose uniqueness is enhanced by a spider? I honestly think E.B. White’s estate has a real case here.
There you have it! A bunch of Grade-A casting choices that flew by the wayside. I hope you enjoyed reading this! Let us know what your thoughts @superbromovies on Twitter and tweet us any bad casting choices you think should’ve happened! And be sure to check out the previous Badcast right here.
Spider-Man: Into The Spider-Verse is theaters now!